


ATV cribs: the Paullie special

by SkeletonHypetrain



Category: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 02:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18421248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletonHypetrain/pseuds/SkeletonHypetrain
Summary: Atv shows us the very own paullie special, starring her showing her conquered lands





	1. The conquered mr bond´s academy for the extraordinary youth known as Paullie´s lair of doome.

The episode starts with paullie, who was sleeping on one of the garden´s benches and holding a jaggermeister, then she wakes up and looks at the camera.  
Paullie: hello ATV, my name´s paullie and this is mah crib  
Then the intro started to roll and showed about paullie´s crib, then paullie was at the entrance of her lair.  
Paullie: this is my lair of doom, known as that academy, it seems that I made a few changes, such as painting the name of the academy with graffiti and putting some vending machines, lets check it out whats inside.  
Then paullie guide the camera to see the big halls of the lair.  
Paullie: originally those halls were white as the automobile from that movie adaptation, but after the massacre, it all painted in black, like that rolling stones song, also I put again those vending machines.  
Then she went towards a door.  
Paullie: and this door is when I encountered with the monky man, I was scared and curious at the same time, as I open the door right now, there´s no monky man…I kinda miss him, anyway lets check the classrooms.  
Now paullie was at one of the classrooms.  
Paullie: I remember entering every classroom to note everything about what they were doing and what time they are going to do, even I enter to those classrooms I also went to the library, museum,etc., but they didn’t know that I´m an asshole, and I was the one who choose the movie such as..  
Then paullie pulls out some dvd cases.  
Paullie: king kong!, gorillas in the mist!, donkey kong country and the most important..planet of the apes!, according to the students, it was the A-bomb, if you are asking why, you´ll know that when we are going to the grounds but first let’s see the other rooms,  
Later paullies goes towards a door.  
Paullie: I wonder what´s inside door number 2.  
She opened the door, she saw eldain, who was dressed as sailor moon, using some make up.  
Paullie: hi eldain.  
Eldain: hi.  
Paullie: he´s preparing for our next anime night, the anime nights consists of the three of us cosplaying as anime characters, im always cosplaying as sakura from card captor, but without the keroberos, I just realized that keroberos´s true form´s voice sounded awfully familiar to me.., what I was talking about..,so eldain is now cosplaying as the American unaired version of sailor moon, paul cosplays as the protag from akira.  
So our previous anime night took place weeks later after eldain´s first nocturnalis.  
After that, paullie was walking through the halls, paul was there.  
Paullie: hey, hello paul  
Paul: hi paullie, hello there ATV cribs.  
Paullie: well paul, I have to show´em those grounds.  
Paul:ok.  
Paullie: seeya.  
Now paullie was sitting on one of the benches of the grounds.  
Paullie: so, in this bench, I began to talk with jacko from that graphic novel universe, the I didn’t got interest in the other people such as that wampire woman, the invisible fella, quarterpounder with cheese or nemo, but that jacko was the most interesting man I have ever seen, before I began to annoy him with pranks and monkey puns, I remember that I said apehead and he began to have a seizure and insulting me, ever since that day I began to annoy him.  
Later, the camera showed now at paul in the chemistry class.  
Paul: yeah, also I was here in those days, those students and members of the league were scared when they see me wearing my menacing white mask, but I was also preparing the strategy.  
Then the ceiling floor started to sound.  
Paul: what was that?  
Paullie´s head appeared from the ceiling  
Paullie: hello there.  
Then she lands on the floor in a clumsy way.  
Paullie: the chemistry classroom, jacko was the teacher of this assignature, it was so obvious, I remember entering to this class, I started to break everything,drinking some of the bottles and calling him a nerd, I remember that I drink one of his bottles of chemistry, he asked me if I was feeling ok, then I said:``im feeling fine, im feeling extraordina-´´KABOOM, my head just fuckin exploded like in scanners, the only I head was the monkyman´s laugh,then some black tentacles came out from my neck, but I stood up and said:``man, that was funky´´ and I went away.  
Paul: and remember that time when you drink a whole bottle of ipecac  
Now paullie was at the centre of the halls, sitting on her throne from game of thrones.  
Paullie: this is the centre of everything, yes, we turned this academy into alternative 1985 hill valley from back to the future II, as you can see there´s a panda express,taco bell and a hot topic shop because invading things makes me hungry,did you saw that?, that´s one of my robot-armors, the design is based on nemesis the warlock from 2000AD, I started the massacre wearing that armor,oh, that box?, that box contains one of the most awesome things forged by the monsters, the association of the friendly lovecraft friends and the ancient ones, let me press this button, and huzzah: the star of eldritch, this big-ass boner sword can make an instakill to the man that portrays the evil alter ego, this sword is too big that you have to hold it with your two hands, yeah, I know that sounds like a dick joke, is because this sword is forged with dick jokes.  
Then, paul was now at the rooms with some microphones.  
Paul: paullie´s pranks to Jekyll from that universe were outrageous, she began to call him apehead, she draw some dicks on his face, sticking a note on his back that said: im an idiot,She also hijacked the school speakers and played some heavy metal music, one day, she went to the academy, drunk and stoned as hell, she used one of the academy´s microphones and said:``Run for your lives you lil´fuckers, the apehead´s coming, the league has to make sure to rebuild the zoo, cause that ape got loose, so, dicks out for him, and don’t forget you daily dose of potassium´´, then she sung:``todo mi amor eres tú´´ from Michael jackson´s.  
We go back to paullie at the Assembly Hall.  
Paullie: so this is the assembly hall, where I played psyche rock with my guitar, everyone looked scared, not like that time where I played the theme song from solstice and the Pictionary theme, both from the NES, in my Bluetooth speaker at Jekyll, he told me if it was Martian technology, I said no. one day, he told me that he loved me, and I said two things: 1. Im taken, which means im with my sweetheart:Ra´s. And 2: im 18 and he was 47, so how about no.

Paul was now at the library.  
Paul: so this is the library, paullie tell to her goth army to not burn this section.  
Then paullie appears.  
Paullie: and there´s mah desk where I planned everything, and where I had nightmares and sleep paralysis when jacko was there.  
Paul: after the massacre and dining at panda express,we went to the arcades, she was playing donkey kong, the most scary thing that I heard from her was this phrase:``I can see him from the corner of my eye´´, eldain and I were worried that another BIG problem will come too, but it wasn’t.  
Then we see paullie with a book, it seems that she´s drawing.  
Paul: paullie are you drawing dicks on ``the strange case of dr Jekyll and mr hyde´´ book?  
Paullie: yes!, im drawing dicks and no one will stop me!

Now we see Paullie,Eldain and Paul at the entrance of the academy.  
Paullie: well, that was the tour of my lair of doome, see ya.  
The three friends say goodbye at the camera.


	2. Boats n´hoes

Paullie was now at the top of the boat.  
Paullie: wassup you bastians folks, welcome to my crib  
Insert the atv cribs intro.  
Paullie: yes, this boat Is where the videoclip: boats n hoes was made for Bondsie, he didn’t like that.  
Now,she´s in the kitchen.  
Paullie: I wonder what´s in the fridge!  
As she opens the fridge, she sees eldain.  
Paullie: eldain, what the fuck are you doing in the fridge.  
Eldain: is because im cool!  
Paullie: oh,eldain!.  
The she was in a room with some martians and some friends.  
Paullie: these are my friends: the martians!  
Martian1: henlo hooman  
Martian2: henlo.  
Paullie: that´s eldain´s girlfriend  
Aradia:hi  
Paullie: eldain´s lil sis  
Cassy: hi.  
Paullie:and paul.  
Paul: hi.  
Then paullie was in another room, her phone started to rang.  
Paullie: someone´s calling!  
Paullie: wassup!  
Champion bond: Paula strange mertens, why did you let those martians be in earth!  
Paullie: I didn’t let´em, they want it.  
Champion bond: first you have killed everyone, turning one of them into a skeleton, now what´s happen next!?  
Paullie: dr.phil is the next james bond?,so he hang out, nevermind, the martians gave me a crown that said:martian lord.  
Now paullie was outside at the top of the nautilus.  
Paullie: I renamed this fella as the krakening, because ship happens was already taken, well I named a boat with that name in the pirates of the Caribbean fandom.  
Then eldain appeared.  
Eldain: I remember after she had this boat, the martians came, and the worst part was that the big monkey man, with his skin burnt by the martians, he just grabbed me, It was a nightmare came true.  
Paullie: we didn’t know why the monkey man was still alive.  
Later, she was in the halls from the nautilus.  
Paullie: I found this ship, when this came out of nowhere at the port, but nevermind I used this ship to have some party hardies, my boyfriend is telling me that we have a lot of boats.  
Then paullie was with their friends at the top of the boat  
Paullie: well, so that’s the boat, see ya.  
Everyone says goodbye


	3. Paullie corps.

Paullie appears opening the door of her corporation evil building.  
Paullie: what´s up bitches, my name´s paullie and welcome to my crib!.  
Insert atv cribs, this time the song that would be played is sing it back by moloko.  
Paullie: welcome to Paullie corporations, an evil corporation, my husband helped me to create this corp, here it is, hello ra´s.  
Ra´s: Paula, for the last time, we are not married, and don’t call me husband.  
Paullie: my boyfriend.  
Ra´s: that´s better.  
Then theres a montage of Paullie showing the rooms.  
Paullie: look at those plasma tvs, with this I control minds like mugatu, also paullie crops bring our newest thing of entertainment, prestige worldwide.  
Later, she was in another room, holding a gun.  
Paullie: come here my pet Russian I have gift for you.  
499 appears, he picks the gun and goes away  
Paullie: that´s my proyect thing, 499, there was a time that I made proyects.  
Paullie was now at the kitchen.  
Paullie: I wonder what´s in the fridge!  
The fridge is filled with bottles of jaggermeister.  
Paullie: I only consume fast food and alcoholic drinks.  
Now she´s at her evil office.  
Paullie: this is my evil office, where I plan my evil plans, to the left you can see my videogame consoles and graphic novels, and the right side is where I place the hentai and lemon scented fics.  
Later on, she was on one of the halls.  
Paullie: after I showed you all of this, you realized that I put some signs about needing a new bodyguard, is because the previous one..im getting emotional right now, but let me show you this, let me put the song ``cold´´ by Jorge méndez, it’s the piano and violin instrumental.  
Paullie shows a table with a photo of big skeleton, and there was another of the photo of the same big skeleton but it was angry and showing the middle finger, there was a piece of paper on the table that said: rest in spaghetti, there was some black candles on the table and all that.  
Paullie: he dead, he fuckin ded, he dead!. He fuckgin ded.  
Paullie: he was only an apehead, I found him as a skeleton at that museum from universe 2009 and…he was killed by eldain during what happened in ``from dusk till my immertal´´  
Paullie started to cry like an idiot.  
Paullie: I miss the monkyman!  
Then she rolls and cries and screechs like an idiot too  
She was still ugly crying.  
Paullie: well, im gonna stop this drama moment, let me turn off this, so that´s why I need a new bodyguard!  
Then 500 appears.  
500: how about me?  
Paullie: you aren’t supposed to be in here, well what I was talking about..i found a secret room at the academy and that room was filled with photos of me and some newspaper cuts about when I was kidnapped at London, with the words: why did they have to do that?,and we realized that it was jacko´s secret room, im scared shitless, so, after that, I bought the graphic novel:``the league of extraordinary gentlemen:black dossier´´ and it included this dank-ass weird looking vintage 3d glasses, so let’s check it out.  
As she was wearing those glasses, she saw that a grand wizard and his companions appeared  
Paullie: who the frick are you?  
???: I am the almighty prospero and I have com-  
Paullie: IS THAT A FUCKING MONKY BODYGUARD!  
Prospero: no it´s not.  
Paullie: if you are a wizztard, can you bring my bodyguard to life?  
Prospero: bringing someone back to life, has an hour limit.  
Paullie: ok.  
Then skelehyde pops out.  
Paullie screechs like a happy retarted velociraptor and hugs the big skeleton.  
Paullie: oh god, I missed you!  
Skelehyde looks at her,scared.  
Paullie: well he doesn’t talk, at least im not calling him apehead anymore.  
Skelehyde smiles.  
Paullie: the worst part is that he´s dickless.  
Skelehyde looks shocked.  
Paullie: dude, you are now a bag of bones, well I said that-  
Then 499 appears, interrupting her.  
499: hey paullie, y´know what-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!  
Skelehyde looks at 499.  
Also scribe wurmple appears.  
Scribe: hello th-WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!  
Ra´s also appeared  
Ra´s: paula for the last time, we have ubu as a bodyguard you don’t need another one.  
Paullie: but he´s skeletal,SKELETAL.  
Skelehyde started to rustle, but he turned back into skelekyll.  
Skelekyll: hey, im back  
Paullie began to scream, then eldain appeared.  
Eldain: hi atv cri-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, THERE´S A FUCKING SKELETON ON THE CORPS!.  
Then paul and gork appears too.  
Paul: what´s all that noise..oh my god.  
Then paullie rans away but she returns holding the``star of eldritch´´ but she realizes that skelekyll was gone, the prospero returned.  
Prospero: well, time´s out for the skeleton.  
Paullie looks awkwardly at the camera.  
Paullie: just cut.  
Later paullie and her friends were at the entrance.  
Paullie: so that´s my crib, see ya!  
The four are saying goodbye.

The end


End file.
